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The current period represents a ten-year milestone since the term “vanishing” entered the public consciousness. Initially, the concept that someone could instantly end contact with a romantic interest without any notice seemed like the peak of indignity. Our innocence was charming. In the 10 years since, navigating toward a significant other has only become more confounding – an frequently pointless endeavor in embarrassment that is increasingly defined by social media slang.

Generation Z, a demographic who came of age during a social isolation epidemic, a masculinity reckoning, and a coordinated assault on the freedoms of women and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a far messier terrain than their millennial predecessors could ever imagine. And so their dating lexicon has grown more extensive and more deranged, with expressions like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” testing the boundaries of your mental fortitude.

The following list is a comprehensive guide to the words gen Z is using to discuss romance, sex and the quest of both. To echo one of the year’s most popular online sayings, by the end of this list you’ll ache to get back to a bygone era – because where that is, it lacks “wokefishing”.

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A

Genuineness – In the view of gen Z, romance's gold standard is showing up as your real, raw self. You'll need it with that!

B

Feathered friend test – A online phenomenon connected to a test developed by couples researchers, in which you point out something minor – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and pay attention to whether your date's reply is engaged or dismissive. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Black cat girlfriend – Zoomers' rebuttal to the “quirky fantasy girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner focuses on her own needs while exuding enigma and self-sufficiency. (She may yet have baby bangs.)

The Letter C

Seat theory – This means going for someone who supports you unprompted. If you entered a room, they would fetch a chair for you to sit down.

Task-based bonding – A date where two people form a link while doing chores, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how financially strained people in their 20s do budget-friendly dating in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Crashing out – Melting down when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can crash out over a crush or split, spilling all of your (unrequited) feelings.

The Letter D

DINK – Two incomes, no children. Once a signifier of 80s young urban professional excess, it describes pairs who choose against parenthood to focus on their own fulfillment. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

The Letter E

Emotional vibe coding – The antithesis of acting aloof: embracing dialogue, transparency and openness.

The Letter F

Signals

• Red flags – Behavioral traits indicating a potential partner is trouble. For instance calling their former partners crazy, poor gratuity habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a new DJ career …
• Good indicators – These traits affirm your decision to date a mate. Examples include following up to make sure you got home safe after a date, low phone use, owning a proper bed …
• Beige flags – These usually describe specific, largely harmless quirks. Such as being an keen birdwatcher, still keeping a pen in their wallet, paying rent in cash …

Niche bonding – When you find someone who’s just as enthusiastic about films about the WWII or DVD collecting or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who despises the same things or individuals that you do (few things fosters intimacy faster than sharing a nemesis).

The Letter G

Geese – A musical group many young men listens to.

Ghostlighting – Someone who reappears into your life after a length of disappearing.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and devoted. The rare partner who is beloved by all of his partner’s friends, and a black cat girlfriend's counterpart.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A primarily online community of men so obsessed with self-pleasure that they attempt extended sessions, intentionally delaying climax so they can persist as long as possible.

H

Pessimistic straight dating – A mindset describing many women's increasing despair toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

High-value woman – An ideal championed by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and contentedly domestic, who apparently has no goals of her own other than satisfying her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to understand the whole “pessimism” thing better?

The Letter I

Icks – Random and frequently trivial turnoffs that immediately extinguish any feelings of interest.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else get an incredibly thoughtful display.

J

Careers – These have not been this important in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ultimate partner: a preppy, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd prefer partners in fields they believe are being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: healthcare workers, teachers or counselors.

The Letter K

Locking lips – This year, researchers learned that kissing has existed for 16m years. But the days of kissing may be limited since some gen Z desire fewer sex scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen romance authentic.

Enhanced profile crafting – Mild deception. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a online profile, or making your career sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {